Earl… Yo…. Dude… Arrested again?? Seriously? Where do I even begin??

Okay. The Guinness Book of World Records has been alerted but at what point do you look at yourself and say, gee, maybe this isn’t working out for me? Earl, I LOVE hip hop. That’s no secret. However, I am very selective about the hip hop that I do listen to and to be honest with you I couldn’t pick out Souljah Boy in a lineup if my life depended on it.

That being said, I have listened to you; a couple of songs anyway. You won me over when I saw you shed real tears in a documentary and I said, wow, that’s a man. On the other side, the darker side, I have listened to your legendary tales of madness and crazymaking via my friends in your dwindling camp. They complain to me that the job of being your hired Sober Companion is worthless because you berate and abuse them. They complain to me that when you are starring in a film, you refuse dinner at the regular time only to get the crazy munchies at 1AM and demand that Taco Bell in some backwater town open up to serve you while they are closing out their receipts as you bang on the door yelling, “Open up, yo, it’s DMX.”

I understand that your years in the game may give you a feeling of entitlement. If that’s the case don’t you think that more than deserving a Whatever Grande that you deserve your health, wellness and wellbeing? If not for you then for your family? I know you had it tough coming up. I feel you, bruh, even though I am not really into sob stories, I really do feel you.

But jeez, you need to get HELP. Immediately. And I’m not talking about your running buddy Big Black. You know who I’m talking about. He tells you whatever you need to hear. YOUR OWN BEST THINKING GOT YOU TO EXACTLY WHERE YOU ARE. You need someone else’s thinking to get you out. I say this out of love. Get into a treatment facility. Immediately. This is not admitting failure, this is the path to success. Then we’ll really know Who You Be. You said it yourself. It’s Dark And Hell Is Hot.

REAL TALK: Earl, my Hollywood peeps tell me that they have to keep hiring you to make movies because you make crazy money overseas. But here’s THE REAL SCOOP: Because they know that you are fiending, they are paying you a pittance against the salary that is budgeted for you and divvying it up. And the insurance rates to keep hiring you double with every arrest. Word is bond. Get help and get help today or you may look around and find that your well has run drier than a crackhead’s crusty lips. Work will be there when you get out. Look at Robert Downey Jr. He missed the whole 90s!

And yes I am airing your dirty laundry. As I always say, dirty laundry does nothing but stink up the house. Confidential to Amy Winehouse, you may wanna heed this as well. I’m just saying. Especially the crusty lips part.

And I'm not even touching the part where you are so gone that you've never even heard of BARACK OBAMA. Just in case you don't know where to go, X, you can call 800-784-4791 and get help. I even looked up the number for you.

xo,

a.