He
had dealt her just a taste, cracked, and she was hooked. Unlike her fellow addicts
who could find their fix on any urban street corner: Soweto, London, Bahia, any MLK Blvd USA, there was only one spot to get
hers and the supply was slow in coming because he had studied the seduction powerbook. She craved him and as insane as it
was she decided to wait. Sanity was overrated and it had been 18 months since it was done right. Shhhh.
What was 19, 20? It.
So
she waited, as improbable as waiting was. Her life had never been built on probability
anyway. Odds were that she shoulda had 3 kids by 21. Odds were that at least
one of their no good baby daddies woulda been locked up, sending beggin-assed requests for commissary change and photos with
jacked up poems while he assembly-line stitched the designer sneakers he needed the change to buy. Odds
were.
New to the rules and totally game-less she could only say exactly what
she really thought without the requisite masks, grins or lies. She opened her mouth and out dropped a flat foot.
He put it in his pocket and left. So her freedom apartment remained un-christened. She wanted him
to come through her doors. Enter her mural. Write a story on her backside. Take it. She was already tied up. He made her nervous.
Jittery. ‘Cause she needed a fix.
Saving oneself was a quaint first world Victorian concept that had somehow followed her third world self into this millennium.
Being shy didn’t help. Her sister-enablers had tried to assist, passing 8th
grade-like notes through his phone lines. Same sex education follies. Sixth
grade was the last time that she’d had extensive contact with male people on a daily basis and she was still catching
up.
Fuck. The unsolicited suitors kept leaving shit at her door to trip
on– tickets to this, that, and there. Incomplete, unmelodic songs with
lyrics she hated. Rhetoric. She washed her hair.
She
had to stop reading fairytales. Hell. She had to stop writing them first.