VH1Tough Love Miss Picky Abiola

Q: On the show, Tough Love, your coach Steve seems to be straight, no chaser! Were you expecting it to be as brutal as it was?

Abiola: First of all, Wise Diva, I love the name of your blog. Misadventures in Dating is the perfect title for my love life up to now! In fact, my debut novel Dare and most of my published non-fiction writing is about my misadventures in love and relationships.

I thought that as a woman who writes about love, dating, sex and empowerment, Tough Love would be a fabulous social experiment and it ended up being so much more. I also think it’s hilarious that I am able to give everyone else such great inspiring advice, but still had/have my own relationship issues. I wanted to see how all of this would play itself out with me getting to work with a self-proclaimed expert on men and relationships.

VH1’s Tough Love was definitely tough love! The show is a love boot camp. When I decide to do something I generally don’t tip toe into it. I jump in with both feet, for better or worse. Given that, I felt that I was prepared for anything. Still, as ready as I thought I was, Tough Love was still a rollercoaster ride of an experience. I am a sensitive person. I had my feelings hurt right away and I cried because it never feels good to be insulted. One of the positve results of the show is I have a thicker skin. I can laugh at myself more.

The central question of Tough Love is “These women are smart, attractive, successful, so why are they single?” The response of the show has been huge. Ratings have been through the roof because so many women are trying to figure out their own relationship dilemmas. If you can watch, be entertained and maybe relate to one of us and see your own missteps, that’s great. Also, a part of the voyeurism factor is that people need to point and laugh at others to feel better about themselves.

No matter what, somebody will find something to dislike about you. My motto is “might as well be your own crazy, sexy, quirky, weird self and give the haters something to talk about!”

Speaking of, watch my celebrity cupcakes reel here:

Q: As a single woman in the city, what was your biggest pet peeve about the single man?

A: My biggest pet peeve about single men in cities where the ratio is in their favor is that they have different levels of commitment than we do. But it is logical – they don’t have to commit.

My nickname on the show is Miss Picky and I embrace that. It’s not about seeking perfection because I’m not perfect, no men perfect are either. But we do deserve to be as selective as they are. As you know it is challenging as a single woman dating in a big city. Well - just dating is easy. Getting a commitment from someone we want to be attached to is harder. Being picky is only a hindrance when we are avoiding love because we fear getting hurt. Many times we create our own artificial barriers.

It’s great that the show Tough Love is a game because love and relationships are a game. We need to loosen up and have more fun with the whole thing. Like most women I believed the fairytale as a kid. I though that I met my Prince Charming. We dated for my whole 20s.Then we got married and the whole thing fell apart right away. That’s because fairytales are not sustaining. Men have bought into the fairytale too but it’s about finding partnership. My ex and I were compatible on paper – he was ivy league educated, gorgeous and Caribbean-American like I am, but we still were not compatible where it counts.

Q: Do you think that more women should seek out advice/feedback from guys?

A: Like you and most women I am an expert on how women think. (laughs) Men don’t understand us any more than we understand them. This is the age of Obama. The way to learn about each other is to communicate. Of course, we should never ever change ourselves solely based on men’s feedback. But we can all stand to learn from each other.

In addition to hosting TV shows in the past for BET, HBO and NBC, I host a hit celebrity based online show called Planet Abiola. On our show we have a recurring segment called Manville where I interview guys to find out what they are thinking. I have learned a lot from these zany sessions—and I did learn a lot from hearing the feedback the men gave women on VH1’s Tough Love. I have no interest in altering myself to appeal to any man. However, I learned to be more open in the possibilities of love. Before going to the show I had mostly dated ambitious white collar New York City types of brothers – lawyers, bakers, stock brokers. I opened my mind on Tough Love.

Watch Manville.

Q: What is it like going on a first date with a camera crew following you!

A: Definitely a unique experience, but it was fun!

There is no shame in being single. People think that single women are desperate, and maybe some are, but most of us enjoy our own company and the company of our friends so much that we don’t feel pressed to deal with B.S.After my last big breakup I was kind of going out with guys here and there but mostly just having fun being a single diva in the city.

Watch Single Girl’s Adventure.

Q: Are you happy you did the show?

A: Absolutely, and I would do it again tomorrow. The only frustration is that 7 days become 42 TV minutes so you only hear partial conversations but that’s the nature of the beast. I am proud of the show. Drew Barrymore and High Noon Entertainment have created something interesting and entertaining.

I want to clear up some misconceptions from the show:

The Goddess Dream Book is basically a Vision Board with covers. There are sections for finances, career, friendships, family, and relationships. In each section, you collage what you envision for yourself.
The Tiara. Rocking the crown has nothing to do with being a princess. I wear the tiara to remind us as women to hold our heads high. There is a crown there whether you have a physical one or not.
My Kitty Kat Anabelle. Hell yeah I am a crazy cat lady! Lol
Footophobia. This is an officially diagnosed Goddess condition. I don’t have the cutest feet! Someone has to bring the good foot genes.
Yes, I am STILL PICKY, as I think every human being SHOULD be!
Life is a fairytale? Hell yeah. As Albert Einstein says, “There are two ways to live: you can live as if nothing is a miracle; you can live as if everything is a miracle.”
People need to learn to laugh at themselves more. Life is beautiful is you let it be. Why not have fun with it?

Wishing you velvet cupcakes & tiara kisses,