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Wise Woman Diva of Atlanta's Misadventures in Dating Blog Had 5 Questions for Abiola aka "Miss Picky" about Tough Love Q: You were already well known on BET and for your web videos
and advice column. You went on the VH1 show Tough Love with Steve Ward obviously for exposure. Tell us about it. Abiola: First of all, Wise Diva, I love the name of your blog. Misadventures in Dating is the perfect title for my love life up to now! In fact, my debut novel Dare and most of my published non-fiction writing is about my misadventures in love and relationships. I thought that as a woman who writes about love, dating, sex and empowerment, Tough Love would be a fabulous social experiment. My original plan was to go undercover as a lifestyle journalist on several lover relaled series. I wanted to see how all of this would play itself out with me getting to work with a self-proclaimed expert on men and relationships. I actually had a boyfriend in real life as did most of my cast members. When I decide to do something I generally don’t tip toe into it. I jump in with both feet, for better or worse. Given that, I felt that I was prepared for anything. Still, as ready as I thought I was, Tough Love was still a rollercoaster ride of an experience. One of the positve results of the show is I have a thicker skin. I can laugh at myself more. The central question of Tough Love is “These women are smart, attractive, successful, so why are they single?” The response of the show has been huge. Ratings have been
through the roof because so many women are trying to figure out their own relationship dilemmas. If you can watch, be entertained
and maybe relate to one of us and see your own missteps, that’s great. Also, a part of the voyeurism factor is that
people need to point and laugh at others to feel better about themselves. No matter what, somebody will find something to dislike about you. My motto is “might as well be your own crazy, sexy, quirky, weird self and give the haters something to talk about!” Q: As a single woman in the city, what was your biggest pet peeve about the single man? A: My biggest pet peeve about single men in cities where the ratio is in their favor is that they have different levels of commitment than we do. But it is logical – they don’t have to commit. My nickname on Tough Love was Miss Picky and I embrace that. It’s not about seeking perfection because I’m not perfect, no men perfect are either. But we do deserve to be as selective as they are. As you know it is challenging as a single woman dating in a big city. Well - just dating is easy. Getting a commitment from someone we want to be attached to is harder. Being picky is only a hindrance when we are avoiding love because we fear getting hurt. Many times we create our own artificial barriers. It’s makes sense that the show Tough Love is a game because love and relationships are a game. We need to loosen up and have more fun with the whole thing. Like most women I believed the fairytale as a kid. I though that I met my Prince Charming. We dated for my whole 20s.Then we got married and the whole thing fell apart right away. That’s because fairytales are not sustaining. Men have bought into the fairytale too but it’s about finding partnership. My ex and I were compatible on paper – he was ivy league educated, gorgeous and Caribbean-American like I am, but we still were not compatible where it counts. Q: Do you think that more women should seek out advice/ feedback from guys? A: Men don’t understand us any more than we understand them. The way to learn about each other is to communicate. Of course, we should never ever change ourselves solely based on men’s feedback. But we can all stand to learn from each other. In addition to hosting TV shows in the past for BET, HBO and NBC, I host a hit celebrity based online talk show. On our show we have a recurring segment called "Manville" where I interview guys to find out what they are thinking. I have learned a lot from these zany sessions. Nonetheless I have no interest or need in altering myself to appeal to any man. Q: What is it like going on a first date with a camera crew following you! A: Well obviously it adds a performance element but I'm used to that. It was a performance so it was fun. There is no shame in being single. People think that single women are desperate, and maybe some are, but most of us enjoy our own company and the company of our friends so much that we don’t feel pressed to deal with B.S.After my last big breakup I was kind of going out with guys here and there but mostly just having fun being a single diva in the city. Q: Are you happy you did the show?
A:Yes. It's a part of my job. The only frustration is that 7 days become 42 TV minutes so you only hear partial conversations but that’s the nature of the beast. I want to clear up some misconceptions from the show:
Instead of "dating" let's go on an adventure and see where it takes us!  |
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